Blf.

2012-01-29T21:20:00.002+08:00

Drama drama drama, that is what this family does best. Not saying I'm perfect, because I do admit I have a flair in it too. If you're thinking of this as some sort of an appraisal, think again. Everything has to be dramatised up to a certain point where there would be a sudden onset of background music and smashing and throwing of things around. Enough of all this bullshit. Why can't we be those type of typical families. Those that don't speak with a certain tone during certain occasions or do weird things like take pictures during anniversaries pretending to be another marriage ceremony just to show off on fb. Oh there you go, a sudden rant. Beautiful string of incoherent words.

Fine, we are selfish. But only because we see things being THROWN away without any thought. We see food being smeared all over the sofa and all over the floor. What do you see? You don't give a fuck about them. You close an eye to seem like the good samaritan, like mother theresa or something. You bitch incessantly about every single person you see, or read about on fb so don't try to sing praises about yourself being some sort of angel sent from heaven. You start conversations with gossip. So fuck it.

You insult your own children for being selfish? Try having your sleeping space taken away, have rubbish and nonsense things CRAMMED into your room. Keeping something you have been craving for and then discovering it's been eaten or thrown away. You always say you don't want to start a fight with your husband because of this. Well then you should get a reality check that your brother is living off you like you owe him your life or something and your husband is paying for that man with his douchebag of a wife. We want to shift house because we feel suffocated and a new living place would be great, awesome, fantastic and papa is so up for it. But you always start on financial and shit. Well since you say "If you want money just say I give you." Then I want to shift. Because this house is just filled with hate and bad memories figuratively. Filled with dust, making me fall sick every now and then, literally.

Your son is sleeping on the floor. Our game room has been transformed into a "TV Storage" room. For a TV made for Superman's bionic vision I suppose because my eyes can't see shit on that crap that should be called a giant cardboard box.

You disappoint me. So much.

You should understand your children. Especially a girl whose in her teenage years.

I am like an immigrant being forced to live in a small space.

So take my freedom of choice and speech.

2012-01-24T22:43:00.002+08:00

I don't deserve you. I am the beast to the beauty that gets everybody saying "How did she get that kinda girl?"

But I'll try, I will try to make up for my lack of appealing looks and bodily figure, with the love I have in me.

And if that fails on me one day, I would know that I am always lucky, every second I have you loving me.

So if you ever choose anyone prettier, handsomer, more good looking than me, I would be okay with it.

Because I was lucky to ever have you in the first place.

My little taste of perfection.

2012-01-24T20:21:00.002+08:00

I am a miserable lone woman. I am miserably alone with the fear of people hurting me. Till I don't let anyone in. I slowly push everyone out. Tear myself off like Mrs Boyle. Stay detached in order to help. In my case, stay detached in order to not get hurt. Because friends have hurt me, one after another.

BUT IT'S JUST ME. Little miss "never content with anyone". I don't know what's my problem. People ask me out, then I would reject, come up with stupid excuses to escape. Maybe cause I hate being the ugly one. Or the stupid one. I just want to be alone so I won't have people making me feel all these. And sometimes..

Sometimes all I want to do is be with my b. Just her. Most of the time, all I want, is her. That is all I want. I will push people out just so that all my free time, I can spend with her. Because I treasure her so much, I can't ever think of spending a day, when we're both free, with other people but her. I sound obsessive, possessive, crazy, lunatic. Maybe because I am all that.

OH WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT.

2012-01-15T18:45:00.004+08:00

I think I have a fear of people. As a whole, people scare me. It's not their faces or physique to be exact. More of their personality. I am generally not a very accepting person. Find something I dislike, I distant myself from the person like a cat in water. It's a type of reflex that I can't seem to shake off. When people get to know me, it's always a great time with all my jokes and laughters. Though what people don't realise is, the humour is my defense mechanism from people finding out my true self. My insecurities, my discomfort, my displeasure to starting a conversation. I like my comfort zone, with probably just one other person in it. (Talking about you, love). Other that that, I pretty much prefer if people were OUT of the knowing. I don't want to be going out with people to wherever whenever because I feel inferior walking next to people.

I am a giant. I am tall and pudgy. I stand in the train and easily, I am taller that 40% of the people in it. People look at me. Some stare. It scares the shit out of me. "What are they saying in their head? Are they pointing out my pimples? Are they calling me fat?" Because once bitten twice shy. Having someone say "OMG YOURE SO FAT NOW" doesn't exactly leave a shallow scar. It makes more of a crater. Like the type the moon has from the flaming asteroids that came its way. This crater in me that, little by little, grows.

I like consistency. And I don't like taking the initiative. Because sometimes, people can be very cruel. I prefer people asking me if I want to go out with them, then planning something and not having it happen. It's a secret grudge I have on all humanity. Even when people ask me out, I make excuses in my head as to why I should not go. I prefer to be with people on my own terms. I guess I have a hate for pretty much everybody and everything in the world. And it makes me bitter that I push people away and end up having as much friends as a homeless man living under a bridge but it's me that hates having people around as well. So what do I do?

All I ever want to do, every single day, is just be with the person that makes me happy being me and not be afraid of being judged or thought of as fat or have to conform to anything society tells me to.

Kill me now, or let this blob of fat live in peace.

When you can't suppress your feelings any longer.

2012-01-07T23:29:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I have moments, not really sure what they are exactly, where I have realisations that I am not what I want to be. I have a vision of who I want to be, how I want to look but I don't look the least bit like the image of myself in my head. I could be so much more, yet the person holding me back from gaining that goal, is me. Solely me. I could blame it on so many circumstances and consequences of life itself, but there's noone else I could blame more than the person responsible for me being this way, and that person is me.

Every moment where I know I am making a mistake, buying something because I want to, something inside me says "No, you don't want to do this." And yet, another whole person, stronger perhaps, tells me "You really want this. Fuck perceptions. You can be as fat as you want to be." But why isn't the first voice coming up to say, "You can ignore what others are saying about you, but can YOU ignore what you feel about yourself?"

Because there's nobody else insulting me, more than I insult myself. Every morning, I taunt myself in the mirror. I curse at the reflection. And then I shake it off while I'm brushing my teeth and I put on a smile after I'm done, because they always smile after a good brush in those toothpaste commercials. At least I have good hygiene.

That is exactly it. These excuses that I use to cover up my own misery. "You're prettier than half the girls out there even if you're fat." "You can look pretty in pictures if you take it at an angle." "You have someone who loves you exactly the way you are, who gives a damn about weight." These excuses that I use to cloud my own deepest wants. To be beautiful.

To be able to go out and point at a piece of clothing and going "OH THAT IS SO PRETTY!" and not having to think "But omg, do they have it in my size? Will I look like a pumpkin in it?"

I need to stop giving myself excuses. But how do I do it, when that's how I survive day to day without wanting to kill myself?

Here's the truth.

2012-01-03T20:51:00.002+08:00

I've had probably enough of this bullcrap. Friends who don't care about what you feel, about the plans you were so excited about, and not even realising that they hurt you the moment they stopped giving a fuck about how you wanted to meet adrian pang so bad, or how you wanted to spend a good day tgt at USS. People in school who seem to be non-existent at times when you need them, like I don't know, for projects? I just wish people would give more fucks about others. Don't bring the fate of others down together with yours. And I wish people would consider my feelings as much as I consider theirs. I know it's stupid to expect of others what you do for them because nobody is alike but didn't someone say "do unto others, what you want others to do to you"? Well fuck that person who came up with that. Because nobody is willing to save up money for you or spend a bit out of their fortune for you. Because they would rather spend it on themselves.

Yes I am a whiny little bitch right now. But that's what I feel. If people can do whatever they want, I can feel whatever I want. And in this moment, I feel frustrated. I feel frustrated at people who don't want to do work as much as I do. I feel angry at people who don't care about me or my feelings because they take me lightly. Because I'm the "funny" one.

Fuck being the funny one. Why do I have to be fat? Because then I wouldn't feel the need to compensate my lack of skeletal structure with humour. I could be a bitter bitch, or a cool sports person, or a pretty quiet girl. No, I'm the funny fat one.

How I hate this current moment right now.

Despite this all, I have the one person, who would stop me from leaving this earth. The one person I would want to live through all this pain for. The one person that makes me want to live forever. I love you. Thank you for being with me.

A taste of love.

2011-12-18T19:54:00.004+08:00

So it has been so long since I've blogged. It's like once in a blue cheese moon. Well I have to start blogging a lot more because now I have Rafi! My canon ixus 220hs. Pretty rafi takes pretty pictures. I loike. So today, 18th of November (the only reason I am stating out the date in such a way is cause THREE MORE DAYS AH THREE MORE DAYS), we had a very eventful day. We actually planned to check out the Narnia exhibition over at the Marina Bay Sands but it was just this small little showcase sorta. So we went on the second level and got a sneak peek from there. Cheapskates are US. Hey it's like ToysRus, but we are CheapskatesRus! Huahahahhaha. That's my bitchy laugh that I discovered today. So we headed to... COLD ROCK ICE CREAMERY! YEYEEEEEEEH.

I had the Cheesecake and Cake dough ice cream with gummybear topping. The gummybears became really chewy, AND IT WAS AWESUM. Bb had Honeycomb and Cookies and Cream ice cream with caramel fudge topping. It was so her thang, all sweetums. It gave us some sort of sugar headache, which I think was newly invented by us because we felt all wrong with too much sweet things in us. I mean, we're already so sweet right? Teehee.

After that I got hungry. Mimi (HHAHA WHAT A CUTE NAME) was already hungry so that one has no need to be mentioned huh. Huahahahha. Sorry mimi. :p So we took a bus and went to Marina Square. At first I wanted to eat my twister fries but the temptation of seoul garden always POSSESSES me every time I think of going to that grilling heaven. In the end, we didn't eat there because there was only 55 minutes left for their lunch time. Then I suggested having swensens and I insisted that there was one at MS. So we had a bet... AND I WON. It was so fun. Hehehe. Winning is fun.

We were so so so so bloated. Clam chowder and rodeo wings for sides. Baked Spaghetti Bolognese for mimi. Chicken baked rice, as always, for me. Goooood meal. Then we walked around like always and had a few bitchy moments. HUAHAHAHAHHA. HUAHAHAHHA. Best (Y).

It's always awesome when it's with you. Sayang mimi. Hehe.

2011-11-19T09:36:00.001+08:00

I miss going kiteflying with you.

(not those failed attempts to fly kite *ehem, but OUR usual genuine kiteflying hehe)

2011-11-05T20:28:00.003+08:00

I wish you know how much I love and need you cause that's what I want to achieve by the end of my life.. If only I could literally give you my heart to show how much you mean to me. Youre my angel and my life.

Love,

Your dearest.

Trust me,

2011-10-13T14:14:00.002+08:00

"Come with me," he said, as he looked her in the eye. He knew that he might not make it through this new adventure that he was setting out on. Having her by his side would mean that she would be in danger too, but what he would give to have the love of his life join him on the prodigious journey in climbing the beast of a mountain - Everest.

There was doubt in his heart that she would be willing to risk her life for him. He was always spurned at every plea to divulge in an adventure together.

"Thomas look," she looked away. "I would love to come with you on all these crazy things you do. But you know that ultimately I won't. Bring me along when you decide to have a nice trip to the beach okay?" She gave him a little pinch on the cheek and puckered her face as if she was teasing a little baby. She got up from the bed and headed straight to the shower. Thomas plunged his head back into his pillow face first.

"Fuck this."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas and Carmen went through a profusion of ups and downs. Everything a span of 7 years could throw at them. Though it was never quite ordinary with Thomas' perpetual need for buzz in his life. Carmen was always tolerant but never too enthusiastic. Walks in the park, jogs along the beautiful coastline - was more of her thing. Yet their polarity, much like the North and South, never seemed to be a bother. She would be sitting on a beautiful plaid picnic mat, sipping on her Chardonnay, watching as her zany monkey of a boyfriend bungee off the highest bridge.

Thomas would be overseas, trying to overcome big obstacles such as kayaking through the Amazon River or trying to learn the language of the Bikwombe tribe out in West Africa. Carmen would think of each of Thomas' new return as a fresh start to their relationship - a clean slate to work on. Never have they once had the urge to let themselves be with anyone else despite long separations and lonely nights. They believed that what they had between them was what humans dubbed as love.

However, things were about to change.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey babe, I think we ran out of soap. Make sure you get a new bottle from the storeroom before you shower or you'll end up just rinsing yourself, like always," she muttered through the towel that she had draped over her head. She waited for his little snicker that always came after her nagging mother episodes. Silence, nonetheless, remained adamant in the bedroom.

A sudden ruckus transpired from the living room. Thomas was throwing things into his rucksack, missing most of the time, and having his toiletries and canned food land rather audibly on the floor. Carmen stood, leaning on their doorframe, watching as the one man drama unveiled before her eyes. He was always overly acting out in difficult situations, but she could tell that this certain episode was for something worth reasoning. She waited for him to voice out what was on his mind, not wanting to say anything that could most possibly spark the dynamite that was about to blow up in her face.

"You don't really love me, do you?" His accusation left his lips and struck Carmen straight in her chest. She could feel her guts threatening to projectile vomit out of her body. Bewildered at how he could possibly have come to that assumption, she was stunned speechless. Thomas gave out a laugh; not the kind that one would give out after a hearty joke.

"I knew it," he whispered and before Carmen could even process those words, he drove a big blow to the wall. His knuckles bled, and with every drop of blood trickling down his fingers, he felt that they represented the tears that he could not seem to shed. Carmen did not know what she could possibly say to convince him that she was not the tramp he thought her to be, because she did not know what she did in the first place to set him off. She traipsed towards him, afraid of suffering the same fate as the wall, which was now stained with his blood. She slowly put her slender arms around him and barely getting them fully around his big build.

"Trust me, Thomas."

For that moment, she felt that she could get through to him. She knew that deep inside he knew that all this while she loved him deeply. Even despite the lack of a ring around her finger that would tie her to him as his wife. Thomas thought hard at the word - Trust. He had given up his dream of traveling around the world, to only making short trips in order to come back and be with her after. He would miss her terribly when she was not by his side. What baffled him was that she would never give up anything from her way of life for him and she never seemed to be afraid of losing him. Even when he was about to embark on an endeavor known to rob the lives of men, she refuses to even consider making the trip with him.

"Come with me," Thomas was about to give Carmen an ultimatum, "or if I make it out of this trip alive, I am not coming back here.

She released her grasp, and took a step back. Never once had Thomas forced her into making such a decision. Thomas knew that she was not going to be there with him to plant a flag on the peak of Everest, and he knew, that she was not going to be there in his heart any longer.

"You don't love me as much as I love you, Carmen. I'm done giving to this relationship without asking anything of you."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The flame that was set in the middle of the tent swayed with every little gush of wind that managed to push its way through the canvas doors that were zipped shut. Thomas looked around him. His friends were all hugging their knees trying to keep every ounce of heat in their body intact. Empty cans, once filled with manufactured processed food, strewn around them. He reached over to his toes and massaged them tenderly through the layers of socks he had on. His toes were beginning to send surges of pain throughout his whole body.

When the group set out to conquer the mountain, they knew that inexperience would be one of their downfalls but being the adrenaline junkies that they were, it did not stop them. However, their rash decision made solely on their passion for adventure, might have lead them into a pit of trouble.

They had run out of food with a quarter of a way to go to reach the peak. Exhaustion had kicked in and every single member of the group seemed to be ready to wave the white flag. Robert, the leader, decided that it was time to call in the rescue team before anyone lost his toes, or even worse, their life.

Thomas was half wishing that they would just leave him there to turn into a mass of frozen nothingness. If he were to get off that mountain, he would have nothing to return to. The girl he always tried to survive for was no longer going to be in his life. He felt a painful sense of emptiness overwhelm him with every single breath he took since the day he left Carmen.

His train of thought was stopped in its tracks by the sound of choppers approaching their tent. The men slowly clambered out of their tent, with a look of defeat. Thomas was the last one to get into the third helicopter and he imagined himself lying motionless on the ice. He quickly shook the thought off as the helicopter whizzed further away from the mountainside. He was handed a heat blanket and he put it on his toes to save them from the cold daggers stabbing at them.

“Thomas,” a voice beckoned from the back of the helicopter. He turned around to see a person wrapped in a winter jacket that was far too big, and layers of blankets over it. It was quite funny sight, considering how he or she was not even on the mountain for more than five hours. Thomas let out a chuckle and quickly apologised.

“What’s so funny you asshole?” The wrapped mysterious entity asked him.

“Carmen?!” Thomas screamed almost too loudly causing everyone in the helicopter to jump a little. Carmen shook off the blankets and stared at him with anger. Though the anger quickly subsided and tears took its place. Thomas reached over to hug her, almost falling off his seat while trying to. He tried to throw words out of his mouth, but the joy of just having Carmen in his arms at that moment, rendered him momentarily mute.

“I signed up in your rescue team. Do you believe me now, you big doofus?” she sobbed heavily. Thomas nodded into her shoulder and continued to hold her tight against himself. He realised that the things one is willing to give up did not measure love, but the differences one is willing to accept of the other. He loved Carmen and he knew she loved him just as much. He allowed his insecurities and selfishness to cloud the clear fact that she was the one for him.

“I do, baby. I do. I am so sorry,” he managed to work out of his silence.

“Trust me, Thomas.”

“I trust you.”

Thought I was never gonna be good enough.

2011-07-10T22:15:00.002+08:00

But somehow, for you I am. I am thankful that you're loving me for who I am. I know I'm not much of a looker. With my weight issues and pimple issues and what not. But you don't seem to mind. You seem to love me despite all this. Which is something I'm so grateful for. Throughout these 27 months, never have you complained that I have put on too much weight or that I'm growing uglier. Thank you.

You're one in a million. Sure sometimes I scold you or nag at you or look annoyed but that's just me being the oldie that I am. I love you so much and nothing could ever change that feeling I have for you. The purest kind of love that I've ever experienced in my life. I love how I can just look at you and smile to myself thinking about how we're actually together and that we're in love with each other.

Maybe someday I will too big to fit through a door, but my love for you will be even bigger. Maybe someday my pimples will start to cover my whole face, but my happiness for having you will still shine through.

Really gross way of putting across my message but hey, you get the point. (:

So yes, the love of my life, I love you, and only you. Till whenever. Till forever.

2011-06-25T22:37:00.003+08:00

You're just this really special girl i'm head over heels with. You make me smile, laugh, cry, everything. You're my world. And i'd never want to lose my world.

2011-05-17T22:36:00.001+08:00

I love you sexy girl :)

-your cute gal

2011-04-24T21:32:00.001+08:00

2011-03-18T21:07:00.001+08:00

I'm walking on sunshine.

fucktastic.

2011-03-06T22:12:00.003+08:00

There's so much to say, yet I don't really know what kind of words to use to describe everything. It happens when you have something so wonderful, you're afraid the words you use would not even compare to how awesome it is. Every morning when I wake up, I have my imagination running wild as to how the future would be with you next to me. How I'd kiss you good morning and how I would want to stay awake just because I would rather look at your face, than go back to dream of other redundant things. Every night, I would imagine how you'd fall asleep and how cute you would look like trying to stay awake while waiting for me.

There's a reason why I like to give you surprises. You'd have this sudden glow to your face and you'll smile the sweetest most diabetic inducing smile I have ever seen in my whole life. Yeah you're just freaking awesome like that.

I know sometimes I'm not exactly the best gf in the world and I get really naggy and whiny and omfg stupid and irritating and annoying. But I thank you for loving me anyway. I may have the lowest self-esteem in the world but I thank you for always trying to get it up. And I would aim at being gorgeous, just for you. (:

I want bubble tea.

2011-02-13T21:57:00.001+08:00

I love you,

Happy Valentines day.

We're all I need.

2011-02-08T12:40:00.003+08:00

I'm waiting for the time when I can heave a sigh of relief. Contrary to what I first thought, relief will not come when this semester ends. Relief is what I know will come when I am in a house living with the love of my life - You. When we both have a nice cosy apartment, with a nice cosy bed for the two of us, with a nice kitchen where I'll cook on weekdays and you on weekends. A life whereby work will be for the day, and us, would be for the night. Perfectly planned out life. You waiting for me if my shift ends late, or me waiting for you if you do overtime. Stuff like that. Knowing that we have it all pinned down to the very last detail like our morning toilet routine.

But it all has to start from now. Working hard now. I wish I had realised this earlier, else I would have studied so hard I would have graduated from a prestigious JC as of now. But I guess everything has its reasons. I'm in a line of study where I know I have interest in despite having to go through many ups and downs. And it gives me ample time to learn how to manage our life in the future.

Sure the semester is ending soon, I'll take that as temporary relief. Relieved that I can finally spend time with you. Till disaster strikes again in the form of internship.

_|_

2011-02-07T09:58:00.002+08:00

I think it's just excuses. If you were to try your best in doing this, I think you would have at least SOMETHING by now. But whatev k, just lay off. Even getting a text from you pisses me off. Feeling so under the weather right now. I gave you so many days. So many. And you push it to today. Right before our presentation day tomorrow. Kudos to you.

Feeling sickly. Hope I don't die.

Whining brat.

2011-01-25T11:37:00.003+08:00

This is what I need, I need space. I need a clean fucking room. I need a space for myself to do whatever I want. Dance around naked for all I care. I need a room. At first when the brother was whining I sorta thought, hey it isn't that bad. But hell, it's really getting worse. Noting the fact that THERE ARE SHITS EVERY FUCKING WHERE. My brother's pile of I dont know what. My sister's clothes and toys. IT FUCKING DRIVES ME INSANE. And now that my grandmother is moving in, ohhhhhhhhh dear lord. 4 people in one room. And in the room, there're 3 wardrobes, 1 double decker bed, 1 long ass study table that is FILLED with shit. When my brother sleeps on the floor, the only walk space there is in the room is this 1m by 1m square for me to move freely. Anywhere else, I'd have to step around and act all mission impossible. Which really pisses me off. The fact that I can't even clean anything, angers me even more. What the bloody bloo blaa. I have so much temptation to make the balcony my new room. Shift all my things there and sleep with prada my hamster.

You know what, my parents should just have bought the house at the corner. URGHHGEEBOOBA.

Baby if I got you.

2011-01-13T20:49:00.004+08:00

Everything has been pretty much, okay nowadays. But I don't know. I guess hard times are just inevitable. I'll take things an hour at a time. A new hour, a new hope. I'm always trying to perk myself up every time I feel the slightest inclination to having a frown (because I've been told I look ugly). Like cry for a minute, and then shake my head, make funny sound with my lips, turn to a classmate and say "BOO." That kinda thing. But then after all that, when I'm alone, I let it all out. I squish into a packed bus, evading the closing doors threatening to smash my face in. Then I don't give a fuck what the world thinks about me. I don't give a damn if I'm slouching making my tummy look bigger than it already is. I don't fucking care if my fringe is blown a little off to the wrong side. I don't care if the girl next to me is checking out what I'm wearing and if she's judging me or thinking I'm ugly or fat. Cause when I'm alone, it's my thoughts and me. I'll have a machine churning out all the suppressed emotions that's been kept in me while I'm in school. I find my way to the back of the bus and get a nice seat at the corner. Then find a suitable song that feels faintly eligible to what I'm feeling. It doesn't exactly matter what the song is because after a while, the lyrics start to fade to the background of the thoughts filling and tumbling in my mind. I'll grab my laptop, harder if I feel like a tear is threatening to come out. Because this country's not much of a mind-your-own-business kind. They stare at you probably thinking something devastating has befallen upon you and they shake their head. Fuck you stranger, you have no rights to even be judging. I stare out the window, once in a while getting reminded that I'm still alive with the trees I'm passing by and the roads that get left behind while the bus. This whole paragraph makes absolutely no sense.

But the one thing, the one thing I know, the one thing I'm certain of, all the time, is you.

I've got peace like a river

2011-01-10T13:31:00.009+08:00

Wazzup, I know this is supposed to be some kind of like daily log, but I don't really have that much self-discipline to follow through a schedule. Even more, a daily one. Can't even keep to diets or like, NO FOOD rules. Hemmiwayss, a lot has happened. Let us begin with friday shall we?

FRIDAY

This was the day I became a stupid dodohead gundusami. In all seriousness, my stupidity costed me 6 bucks and another month of waiting. It all started with the photoshoot in school. This was what went down.

Yeap that's the 93.3 dj hunt winner. He was a grrrreat model to work with. Spontaneous and he followed everything we wanted. Very nice. After the photoshoot, I had to go over to bbdc for my basic theory test that I THOUGHT was at 3. Please note the bolded capitalised word. Sigh, like want to kena smack. It was actually at 2. I missed the whole test. So I had to re-book. Wait another freaking month. NGEH. Maybe I'm never meant to drive la cb. Lucky dad was there to fetch me and pick me up while I was semi crying in sadness. HAHA dramatic.

After that I was supposed to meet bb only at 6. So I had time to kill. Called constance and she was in town with diy so I headed on over to orchard central. We sat at bk and "discussed" and laughed. Hurhurhur. Even after not meeting for so long, it was like we never separated. HAHAHAHA WTH SO CHEESY.

Sharifah came to town and we headed over to crescent together. Saw Liy and Asilah long time no see best. Rezwana and gf, sharifah, bb and I sat with the cool malay speaking, english teaching, chinese teacher and he has not changed a bit. Aiyoyo.

I've got pictures but maybe another time?

After that me and bb went to bk (again hahaha) to have our dinner.

LOOK, chanel onion rings! they were literally fused together. So awesome. Best best night.

Omg no time to blog about following days. Dolores is here. Maybe tonight?

Sharp knife of a short life.

2011-01-06T18:34:00.002+08:00

My phone's camera isn't that bad eh. So up there are the things orf got me. *tears. I was so shocked and pleasantly surprised when she suddenly grabbed them off the shelves and headed for the counter. I walked out of the hershey's shop smiling my butt off. She even told me people were gonna think I'm crazy but hey, idgaf. Hehehe. I love you baby love you sangat sangat.

School was so hectic ytd. Everybody was in this frantic mode and it gave me a bad bad bad headache. And when I was being the switcher, my blood boiled sia. Halfway through I wanted to just go like "FUCK THISSSSSSS" and walk out. But I kept myself calm by blocking out everything. Woo.

So I met her after school yesterday and we went to city hall AGAIN. At first I was like "heh city hall again?" Turns out she wanted to get me those goodies. So sweet la. Melt melt melt. Spent quite a short time together. sadgirl. But it was still really nice. (:

Today, I spent my time just stoning on bed thinking about orf and watching Bones/Burned Notice/ Grey's Anatomy on Mio. And fucking hell I lost my basic theory booook. ): Freaking out now. Meh meh meh meh.

Make me wanna say byebye.

2011-01-04T20:28:00.002+08:00

SUPPPPPP (tulang mamak). The kitty ring up there was picked out for me by orf and fell in love with it like my heartbeat went boomboompah. Hahaha. Scanned it and turns out its a bunny ring. But whatever, Pinky (its name) shall be a kitty and it shall be MY kitty. I also got this blue hairband with a polka-dotted ribbon on it. Picked out by orf too. (Y) The necklace is from rastafari and orf has one too with her alphabet of course. (: Belly nice yay I like.

I fetched orf from school today and we headed over to far east for lunch. So many people go to cahaya to eat. We were laughing like dunno what as always and then suddenly she realised this HUUUUGE ASS stain right smack in the middle of her uniform. Damn funny. Didn't even know when it actually happened. Kerazy. After lunch I made this rash decision to do something and I was all "fuck it I wanna do it" so I did it.

Then we headed back to school and it was all a blurr to me. All I remember is that I got pissed off at one part, I couldn't beat my own new high score at veg samurai, used orf's phone to send funny "I love you. Please love me back" kinda texts which cracked me up a whole lot and it started to rain like some merciless bitch. Then we stayed outside 7-11 and laughed till my throat was all sore. Syiok max.

Days like today, make me wanna elope with that cute ass sweetie pumpkin pie. Which is pretty much, every single day. But eeeeeee, life so unfair.

I know my kingdom awaits.

2011-01-03T21:56:00.002+08:00

So it's been more than a year since I've been here and somehow with this new year I had this sudden urge to have a blog again. I thought of having it as some sort of my daily log for this year. It'll probably be something that I fall back on to bring back the memories of the days that slip away. With the coming of age, I seem to have difficulty recalling as much as I would like to. So there, that's my explanation. Did you even need one? I don't think so but ah heck.

Today marked the first day back in school and it was neither here nor there. Granted it was nice being with my two girls again. The morning saw me having breakfast with beebs. A shocking phone call from my parents (which I will elaborate on in a minute). A bus ride that had me staring out the window being in a state of trauma, confusion and shock. Thank you baby for being there and hugging me. I might not have shown it but it comforted me so much. Got to school for discussion. Strayed away for lunch for a while with Ling and Wan (awkward turtle i do not communicate well).

Went for lecture and I was in a daze the whole while. Thinking about the news. After school, my phone died on me that stupid mtfk. Went to Daiso at IMM and went in circles. Brought the backdrop materials. Pretty cool ah wooden wooden things. Rushed home, only to like, find the house empty. Which made me angry. I don't exactly know why but it did. Haha.

So here's the news.

Okay so well, you see, my mother. Yeah my mother. She's pregnant. Yeah, I'm gonna be 19 this year I'm very well aware of that. But yeah well, she's pregnant. I could jolly well pass off as the mom. But okay, what's done is done. HAHA. Welcome to the world new sibling of mine. I guess you could be the little ray of sunshine when you come out later. We might not be as close but I will always be that wise ass you can talk to, to give you advice. Okay I gotta go eat my dinner.

Anyway, I really want a fitted cap. Have been wanting one since ages. Sigh.

Sadgirl.

2009-12-11T23:18:00.002+08:00

I hate the world and how it functions. Seriously. I hate the education system. I hate the economic system. I hate every single thing la. So many mix of emotions right now. I don't know whether to feel like I'm the one at fault. Or the fact that the world made it my fault. For right now, I choose to think that the world made things this way. Damn it, I hate this feeling. Hate the world. Hate the world. Hate the world.

Rollercoaster~

2009-12-10T20:20:00.002+08:00

Today was a total rollercoaster ride. Trust me I haven't felt like this since...a long time la okay. Woke up feeling so reluctant to go to school since it was already nine (and school started at ten) but I got off anyway and went to bathe. After that had a whole episode concerning money and it totally fucked up my mind. My brain became a whole jumble of wires. Then rushed off to school and took a cab from clementi to school. I paid in coins. But thank goodness the cab uncle was so so nice. He told me to have a nice day. At least it made things a little better.

Class was okay but I got a little pissed (okay maybe not a little) during the practical part of class. Then I realised everything was going to go downhill somehow. Especially when Ling turned to say that the actresses weren't in school yet. Then when I went to the school's co op to get the boards and they were out of black ones ,I got even more frustrated at everything. My head started spinning but not because I was sick or whatever. More of I was thinking of so many things at one time. Then when I got back to where my group was, I started to fidget and get restless. Suddenly I felt like I was going to explode. Explode, I did. Sucky feeling. At that moment in time I felt like just dropping everything and getting a hug.

Then when filming finally started my cramps kicked in and my heart just didn't stop beating fast. I felt like my insides would come out through my mouth. I was so damn restless and all I was thinking about was how if I didn't meet orf that day I would go to the nearest building and jump my ass off. So I left earlier. I'm so sorry guys. I'll make it up to you guys tomorrow k! Promise.

I ran off and rushed everywhere I went. When I saw baby I felt like.. everything faded off. All the anger/sadness/frustration left me at the instant I saw her sitting on that railing. Her face brought me the calmness and happiness that I needed. I am so thankful for her. Really. Thank you for today baby. <3

The printing is all done and the mounting is all done. It's not perfect. But it's done. I don't care already. It's done.

Thank you everyone who helped me get through today. <3

2009-12-09T20:12:00.003+08:00

I have so much to say, but let me tell you the only thing that is in my head right now

FUCK YOU GC.

You make life so hard. ):

~

2009-12-08T19:26:00.004+08:00

GEREK PER~ Totally unplanned and now I have an awesome gif to laugh at.

I love us. <3

//

Poor soul didn't even know it was coming. HAHAHA. Baby so excited somemore! Ish ish ish~

//

Hello you, don't nonsense. Cayang you. <3

You = Love.

2009-12-07T19:36:00.002+08:00

Typed quite a long post, but then I feel lazy. So yeah. Gist of everything?

I'm sick. I love baby. She's so awesome.
Love all my friends. Thank you everyone for caring for me. I am touched, really. <3

I managed to finish all logo related things and postcards front and back. I don't care if they're nice or not. All I care is that I've put in at least a reasonable amount of effort to finish everything off. Now all I need is to get the materials and to print them somewhere. Syiok. Before friday.

I'm missing the test tomorrow. I don't think I can function with time limit and HTML and CSS screaming at my face in this kinda condition. Maybe if there's a make up or something I'll go.

I missed Hiphop today. Will go for make up lesson soon.

I forgot what else I wanna say. Bye (:

URGENT NEWS -runs arnd panicking-

2009-12-06T10:39:00.003+08:00

So my blf is sick :( Pls pls pls send her sweeeeet texts to ask her to get well sooooon (HEH) Mmm anw, blf get well sooon kkk! That picture for u mwahahaha ;) Love you and keeeeeeep your cute smile on your face!

Love,

Cheeky.

ORF was here~

2009-12-04T11:20:00.003+08:00

My bby stayed up until.....(wait let me check) 5:18:03am to do her work :(

I am currently her work's enemy cause I hate her work :(

She's been spending more time with her work than me, that's why ah.

But I cant be angry at her cause I love her :( (awww so sweeet)

I think she's asleep now so I shall not reply her 9:09:24am text that says "Nightmare :("

Hmmm i wonder what's her nightmare man, i bet cant beat mine ahhhh hmm.

I'm bored.

I shall wake bby up at 12 since her school starts at 2 ;(

Sigh, anw I'll be staying home today (haha! finally).

Tmr NYP :D Miss that place hehez. I shall think of what to do after training hehe.

Must fit in bby in my plans ofcourse!

Okayla, I shall play icy tower in fb naozxzx gdbye!!!!!

(K)

Stupid display names.

2009-12-02T15:34:00.003+08:00

Brother much? Hehe. Orh horh, I cheating on you.

Hot nyer~

Paranormal activity-ish! HAHA.

Awww, love. (:

We look good ah. We, hot. HAHA.

BABY crashed my lecture again today. Enjoyed it a lot. Shared my FAVOURITE carbonara with her. Goooood foooood. (: Teehee. Now I'm wearing my dementor which smells like her. Wheeee~ My budak hingus. Very much loved. <3

2009-12-01T21:46:00.002+08:00

Okay hi I know I look disgusting buuuut, not for you to say anything!!!

Hello baby, please smile. (: This is how you pull up the sides of your mouth k! I'll go for a hunt soon to search for your missing happiness. This I promise. I miss you baby. <3 I love you even more. <3

2009-11-30T22:49:00.001+08:00

I'm sick. And I'm tired. So what does that mean? I'm sick and tired. I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit.

(inspiration from monster in law)

We'll get it together.

2009-11-29T02:09:00.003+08:00

So it's 2+ in the morning. Here's what I have planned. Stay awake for as long as I can, so that the moment I wake up, I don't have to wait long till baby texts me! My days have felt so empty without her. Today my mum bought henna and me and my sister went crazy with it. But only my left hand is vandalised. I made a pattern of a bracelet on my wrist with "S <3 R" on it. When mum asked why I did that I said "I actually wanted to put SR for Sulastri Ryanti. But then got big gap in the middle. So I drew a heart." Hahahaha. I'm so glad my second name starts with R too. (: Oh shit my right eye hurts and it feels weird. Like, got something swollen on my lower lid. Ah phuck. I've been ranting on and on in just one paragraph. I hope it shows how tired I am. Hahaha. I have been literally checking my phone every five minutes for like a miracle to happen. But no ah, fat hope seiii. But but but check this out okay. I didn't cry eh!!!!! Somebody please give me a pat on the back right now. Must be because I want baby to have her fun at her hometown. Minah kampung mandi cuci mata jer. Hahahaha. Though I really miss her a lot a lot a lot a lot. Eh baby ah, hurry come back okay please thanks. Tomorrow I'm going to be out the whole day again. The mother has been shocked as to why I'm so hyped on going out and everything. Little does she know because I've got no reason to be online or be busy texting my life away. Somebody so far awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Damn it I'm being whiny. Ladeedadada. Okay I think I've crapped enough. Good for you if you've read all this. LALALALALALA. Kkkk bye.

My cheeky is missing.

2009-11-27T14:07:00.003+08:00

Hi this could be considered the second day baby has been away and I got to say, I'm getting good at this! I only cried ONCE last night and it wasn't that bad. It was just the song on tv that made me think of her then I got this "gosh, I miss her" feeling and then yeah I cried. But after that it was all gooood~ Plus, I rushed to meet her after school yesterday and got to spend some time with her before she left. (:

I even hacked her facebook and played her icy tower for her to get her more coins. I is sweet, yes? (: But no I cannot help her get a higher top score because I is bad at icy tower like that. ):
Oh and I changed our picture at the left and changed the font colour too! Hehe. Wonder what baby is doing now.. Why am I imagining her prancing around and doing her silly dances? Hehehe, she's so cute.

So I tried to delay my wake-up time again but this time I could only do it till 1030. Must be because baby has been training me to sleep early and wake up early. See la baby!! You owe me a hug when you come back. I don't care.

I'm going to be out the whole of today which is (Y) because that means I am distracting myself. Proud of me by? (: Mum made me wear this girly flowy top and I feel so girly and all princess-y now. So here, I am going to put my face. Whether you like it, or not.

Babyface misses you, cheeky. <3

Babyface.

2009-11-26T15:29:00.002+08:00

Think of us, and the happy and gay moments we shared,

and you'll be just fine my princess.

Please take care,

dont skip meals,

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep,

dont cry your eyes out,

laugh,

smile,

dont make yourself look ugly,

think of me always.

Aisah, can you please help me take care of this girl.

Thanks :)

I'll be right back, baby.

LOVE YOUUUUUUU (K)

My gf is a dorae-chu/pika-mon.

2009-11-23T17:09:00.003+08:00

Hehehe surprise surprise! ;)

Miss your cute face alr :(

2009-11-22T12:08:00.001+08:00

Donnez-lui le temps. Elle sera toute vôtre de nouveau. Bientôt.

Pictures up on facebook for ytd's event. Okay? Okay.

2009-11-21T22:41:00.002+08:00

Hi my sleepy baby fell asleep on me. I also like, falling asleep like that. Don't know why I'm posting also actually. My mac is very ngade2. Just like me. I can't upload pictures. Tomorrow la. Since I think I will be home the whole day? I'll use my tablet or something. Okay dah okay? Bye.

CHIBXZXZXZ, NABXZXZXZ!

2009-11-20T20:55:00.004+08:00

Let's start off this post with a prayer. *does the above pose. HAHAHAHA. Don't ask me why that picture came out okay. When I go crazy, I really do. Only my friends can deal with it. Hahaha! past few days have been..

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

and I think I might just grow abs.

I don't really feel like typing out much and mostly I tell everything that happens to the people who want to know. Which is of course baby, aisah, mai, ling and my ass. HAHA. Okay random.

You guys have made my days in school SOOOO much more bearable. I think without you guys, I will be a sad dejected drop out sitting by the street singing "orang gila, orang gila~" mai style. HAHAHAHA. Going through floods together and ling poking mai's nose and whatever not. We gone case. But I love us that way. Like, omg right, we are like, sooooooooooooooo awesome! *high pitch. We fail at being bitchy bimbos. But awesome at laughing till we feel like we're going to make our stomach's burst. I LOVE YOU GUYS AH AH AH AH! Will kiss you guys but later ling's boyfriend will kill me and mai will just give me one makcik slap. HAHAHA.

Been doing allll I can to spend time with baby and mission successful! I can't live long without seeing her pretty face. And she has successfully changed my sleeping patterns. That girl is so busy, I get contented just by sitting at the back of a room watching her clapping away. Because I love her. (: MUACKS. Can't wait to watch her tomorrow. WOOHOO~

Meeting aiai tmrw!! After so long! :D Hehehehe. Will go all crazy with her but not so crazy cause my sister will be around so my crude sick jokes will have to be stored away in my ass. HAHAHA. Yay Yay! Ai, I wish I still had my old ezlink card eh. Really. I would let you keep sei. Hahaha. Then you will always be happy. Love you!

Okay baby waiting for me to finish this post. So.. BYE! : D

You'll feel when the wind blows.

2009-11-18T21:12:00.004+08:00

Hi, this is us. My face looks like I stuffed cotton balls into my mouth. But okay la huh. HAHA. Baby, please don't be sad already okay? I'm sorry bout today. Dui bu qi. Sayang you many many okay. You can be my Nobita anyday. And I will be your Doraemon. Together we will fly on the time machine I took from my wonderous magic pocket. I love you. <3

My maknenek self concious betul.. Saper tah dier nak impress.

I taruuuuuuk~

Hugs and kisses.

2009-11-15T23:21:00.003+08:00

So I gotta make this quick. Now that baby's back, I've got someone taking care of me and monitoring my sleeping time and bathing issues. Bliss. (: (don't judge on the bathing issue, I always smell good. hmph)

Went out of the house later than planned thanks to daddy's "why you going out on a sunday?" speech. Gave him a damn cute face (didn't have any other way out) till it melted his shield and then poof! I was out of the house. When I was on the train I got a text. A simple text that sent shivers down my spine, IN A GOOD WAY, and made me smile like some idiot who just checked the 4D results and won 1st prize. "I'm home!" Almost felt like hijacking the train just so I could drive it faster. Rushed my way towards the burger king at t2. And there she was. My sunshine. My facial muscles defying gravity and moving in sync forming a vast smile across my face. The hug. (:

This was when I got introduced to our new baby!

Baby told me to name him and since he is so boncet like t-rex, I named him mukmuk! Derived from the word gemuk! I'm a happy mummy. (: Thank you baby. Mukmuk got your genes ah. Look like you. HEHEHE. Anyway, the picture very cute right! Up to you to think which individual I am referring to when I say cute. HAHAHA.

We sat and talked for quite some time at bk and then decided to head home. We took a DAMN long train ride that resulted in an additional 2 bucks being deducted from my card. But so damn bloody worth it. It was so nice to have her next to me again. Wanted to send her home and help her carry her bag but it was too scary and risky. Next time k sayang! (:

I am a happy girl with baby back here. Though I'm quite upset my mother took my money which I was planning to use to repay my sister. She said she would give me back but she didn't. Mummy ah!!! *puts peace sign on forehead. I owe my ten year old sister 25 bucks. Somebody shoot me. BANG! Need to stop being so spendthrift already. Someone hold my money for me? ):

Okay I shall go get ready to sleep now. Or else baby will BANG! me and then I will be dead. Tatatititutu!<3

(sooooo tempted to put baby's muka steam picture here. HAHAHA. see how ah)

Phone call?

2009-11-14T22:26:00.002+08:00

I ran away from thinking too much by sleeping. Managed to force myself to go back to sleep each time I woke up. This went on all the way till almost 2 in the afternoon. Then I kept hanging around my parents so I wouldn't be able to cry or whatsoever. I used nail polish to paint seashells to keep myself distracted. Watched television and laughed at every single small thing that seemed almost funny just so I wouldn't start thinking.

All the while, checking my phone every five minutes.

Happy thought of the day?
I'm getting my ass to the airport by 10am tomorrow and will be smiling that previously mentioned ass off when my sunshine walks through the gates and into my arms.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!~

Prayers answered.

2009-11-13T22:35:00.005+08:00

You called, and I cried because I was so so so so so so happy. (Thank you, friend whose phone you lent to baby.) You're the sweetest ever ever ever, b. Hearing your voice was like, all I've been hoping for. And I got it. The whole conversation is replaying in my head now. Thank goodness for my selective memory. Because it's all I'm thinking about now and I'll put in on replay all the way till I fall asleep. I love you sayang. <3

T-rex, let's go to bed. Mummy will be with you tonight.

You.

2009-11-13T21:33:00.002+08:00

The last wave before she walked away. I cried.
Train ride home. I cried.
Eating hotdog in front of the tv. I cried.
Watching mtv. I cried.
Walking out of house towards busstop. I cried.
In the bus to pioneer. I cried.
In the train to clementi. I cried.

Braced myself so I wouldn't cry in school.
Kept checking my phone.
Kept whining and asking for you.
Held back tears and carried the pe shirt everywhere I went.
Thanks aisah, mai and ling. Without you guys, I would have crumbled.

Now, the phone is right there next to me.
Ring phone, ring. Please.

I've never missed anyone or cried so much over someone being overseas before.
It's like when you went to bintan.

I miss you, hope you're doing fine.
I love you. <3

Do do do~

2009-11-10T20:30:00.002+08:00

Hello.

I have the cutest girlfriend ever. She does the most cutest things you can ever imagine. Plus, she gets cuter and cuter as days go by! Didn't know that was even humanly possible. But she proved humanity wrong. And she does small little things that I notice and then causing me to giggle because they're just so adorable. There's so many things for me to be proud of her for. Each time I see how awesome she is, I wonder what ever did I do to deserve a girl like her. But she's here, in my life. An athlete, a great auk2 and the best one of all, a lover. Thankful for her. <3

Goodbye.

I love you. (:

8D

2009-11-09T20:50:00.001+08:00

A flower for my pretty princess ;)

Love,

Bdk Hingus.

Why?

2009-11-09T20:30:00.002+08:00

Everything is jumbled up in my head now. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. All I know now is that all I want to do is be with baby. And I hate school. The only reason I survive is thanks to my damn awesome friends. Can't go through it without them. I'm thankful for my friends, and I'm thankful for my loved one.

There's a countdown timer in my head functioning on its own. Make it stop.

2009-11-08T17:31:00.000+08:00

5 more days.

2009-11-04T21:00:00.000+08:00

As fast as you stole mine.

2009-11-02T21:12:00.003+08:00

Okay so Sun(ny) day was sunny and bright! (: You saw the list of things I needed to do right? Well yeah I accomplished some ah. Not bad siol. Baby thinks it's funny when I say siol but I like siol. HAHA. I really bought a lot of redundant stationeries and blablabla and spent like 19 bucks at the shop downstairs. Somebody shoot me. HAHAHA. Whatever ah, my money. ): But totally have a nice pencilcase filled with different coloured pens and I am loving it~ Imagine this okay!

Person: Eh Su, you got pen?
Me: HAAAAVE! What colour you want? Purple? Blue? Black? ORANGE? YOU WANT ORANGE?

Hehehe.

And my lovely sunshine popped by ma housexzxzxz for like an hour. My pretty/goodlooking/cute one. HEHEH. So sweet la! Thank you much much love. (:

This morning when I cried in the train this stupid lady kept staring! I suddenly looked up at her and then gave her a "WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT BITCH" face. She promptly looked down and pretended to not realise. Grrrrr.

Today's excursion to red dot and URA was oh-so-damn-redundant. But red dot was BEAUTIFUL~ Everything inside so cool! When I have a house one day everything inside must be from there one. HURHUR. So rich ah me. Riiiight.. Had lunch with Melanie and Wendy. It was nice (:

Back to school for dance and had lots of fun but I am aching all over. ): Rushed down to redhill to meet lovely. Accompanied her to je and then HOME! Yay!

Tmrw I have a lot of things to do.. Marcomm, WebGraph, Book. Meowr. But going down to TP after for baby's match! And then going home. (: Yay.

Bye la bye okay? Okay. Bye.

"Ego nye baby hari ni!"

2009-11-01T11:13:00.002+08:00

The thing I am going to do today:

Finish up my part of the marcomm project
Study marcomm right from the start
Try my best to understand CATS (sounds so bloody impossible)
Practice on adobe photoshop CS4 and touch up on notes
Figure out all the tools in adobe illustrator and make notes
Read up all the slides of video shots for locvid and read up camera manual
Read up notes for medsoc
Do all this and not die

And for all this to happen, I will need:

New notebooks and stationeries just so I feel more motivated
Some sort of drink that will make me high (alcohol not allowed, sadly)
Some gummies to reward myself each time I achieve something
My phone next to me so that baby can keep me company through this ordeal
(tempted to buy a new planner because the one I have is sooooooo ugleh already)
And a really really really really good attention span

Now let's pray for a miracle that all this will happen.
HAHAHAHA.

Good day my beautiful people. (:

I want my gf, and I want her NOW. Grr.

2009-10-30T13:44:00.003+08:00

Okay I swear, my attention span has expired on itself. Zzzzzzz~ I am craving for damn good food. Meaning.. breeks, swensen's, pastamania and everything on par with all these. Sorry I'm not a very malay girl and I do not crave for mee rebus or whatever. But who are you to judge me huh! Sobs. Baby, I need to get a job, then we can go eat swensen's every week. HEHE. Okay I'm crazy.

Had this sudden fever last night and I think it was the come and go kind? Because after sleeping, the sucker was gone. Woohoo~ Must have been the phone call. Hehe. But I keep feeling these sudden waves of giddyness and then woosh, I'm gone. ): Haven't been able to pay attention in class since I stepped in. Sorry baby please don't kill me. My mind is just.. gone. ):

Breakfast with love was awesome. (: She let me buy foooood. And even let me feed her with everything I felt like giving her. I brought her a banana, some strawberries, grapes and blueberries. So colourful. Bought her donuts too! Wheee~

Babyyyyyyyyyyy. D: Come save me.
(wah fuck I'm so whiny today. grr)

The direction I follow.

2009-10-28T23:04:00.001+08:00

Nights without you, when I make believe that you're there.
Can I cry now?

Dont mind me if i get weak in the knees.

2009-10-28T19:13:00.001+08:00

(Cause you have that effect on me.)

I miss you damn badly now and you, please dont cry :(

All I wanted.

2009-10-28T11:54:00.001+08:00

Thanks to my dear friend aiai, I am singing "all I wanted was youuuu~" because its so catchy!! Hahaha. So yeah I'm in lecture now.

I got a little pissed off this morning because the cab driver totally 'insulted' me? I went in and I said (insert school name) to him. Then he carried on asking me if it was at this road. So I said "yeah" and then allllll of a sudden. "malay ah?" and I said "mmm" and he scolded me for not speaking malay!! I ask you, whatthehell did I say other than the school name and the word 'yeah'!!!! Wah piss me off only. And he honked at this innocent cyclist and flicked him off. CRAZY!! Obviously forgot his morning coffee. Grrrr.

Aiai, stay strong okay? I am always here for you. Love you many many panda!! I'm always a text/call away. Shall treat you FISHBALLS from old chang kee kk? Hehe. Muahh!

Bb, please get well sooooon. Many hugs and kisses for you later! Hehe. I love you.

Mai and Ling, don't know what school would be like without the both of youuu~ sick conversations are my forte! Hahaha. You guys are getting influenced already. YAY! "this tap like my pee eh" HAHA!!

Kk bye!!!

Hanya satu pintaku.

2009-10-25T19:37:00.004+08:00

Before anything, first things first.

I love you baby. When I keep quiet, and you ask me what I'm thinking about.
It's you.

Do you know how much you mean to me?

I heard this once and I think it applies so well to me now.
- If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I'd use my last breath to say "I love you"

//

I suddenly forgot what happened these past few days, but for those who have spent it with me, would remember and probably blogged about it yourselves so yeah. Mostly Mai, Ling and baby. So I shall just talk about today?

Baby called me to wake me up this morning. I couldn't really catch what she was saying? Cause I was still sort of sleeping. Until she said "I'm in the bus already you know." I totally opened up my eyes super wide and went "okokokok." I am so embarrassing. Rushed to meet her at the stadium, and my fit little girl ran while I pigged out at the side complaining how hot the sun was. But that's the way things go between us. Much love. (:

She managed to make me walk with her all the way to jp. It actually didn't feel like such a long journey at all. With her walking next to me going "IN THE JUNGLEEEE THE MIGHTY JUNGLEEEE THE LION SLEEEEPS TONIGHTTTTT HEHEHEHHE." Trust me, my brain wasn't prepared to be awoken that way at such an early time in the morning. Hahaha. Had breakfast together and then we walked and walked and sat and walked and sat. Of course talking along the way. (:

Love accompanied me till aiai came. Me and aiai went for a little shopping. Not really but okay la. Hahaha. Headed over to my place and aiai and me were laughing over every single small thing. I think we went a little crazy. Dyed aiai's hair and it is FAB. Tempts me to dye my hair again but.. see how ah! Eh aiai, if I want to dye you help me kthanksss. Slacked around, and we recorded a cover. It was gooood. Stalking seems to be our common interest. Heh heh. You are in no position to judge that statement. So just shush.

//

This love, feels like no other. To appreciate and be appreciated. To be reassured everytime my thoughts run wild. Needless to say, you're the fucking best.

-

2009-10-24T18:49:00.001+08:00

I know why I've been so down lately. I know what's bothering me. I know why I've been bottling everything up.

But I'm not going to acknowledge it.

Because if I don't acknowledge it, means it doesn't exist right?

Right.

Thank you.

This won't hurt too much.

2009-10-22T22:22:00.002+08:00

Bring me back to Tuesday night. When everything was perfect and nothing could bring me down. Being in her arms with her every breath going past my skin. When I felt like I could be anything I wanted to be. When I felt the happiest I've ever been. When I cried from being too happy. Each and every word that went past our lips had a meaning to it. Whispers of sweet lovely confessions followed by silent smiles that we could sense without even looking at each other. Keeping our eyes open for as long as we could just to savour the time we had left till the sun came up. Falling asleep knowing the whole world didn't matter, because the only thing that mattered, was right there in my arms. Take me back. Take US back.

I want us to always be happy.

I hate feeling helpless. I need to save me, from myself. It sucks to be self destructive. I might just crumble anytime soon. But I don't know why this is all happening. Is it because I am.. starting to overthink? I don't exactly know, but I am hoping it will stop soon.

Fuck you. There you go. Fuck you. Fuck you and your hypocrisy. You just watch what the fuck you say. Who the FUCK are you to think that way? Who the FUCK are you to make that passing statement? Think you're some fucking big shot? A fucking love doctor? You're just like one of those phony games they have where you type in two people's names and then the thing gives you the compatibility. You want to know what's compatibility? My fucking foot in your fucking face. Bitch.

And you. I'm starting to think you're only using me for your needs. Really. If you think I am talking about you. Then fuck yeah it's you. Because like the saying goes in malay idioms "siapa yang makan cili, dia yang rasa pedasnya." Which also means something like, "he who eats the chilli would be the one to feel the spicyness." Direct translation sounds so.. idiotic. But you get what I mean. You're using me aren't you. Fuck you.

Words like violence, break the silence. You don't know what kind of thoughts are running through my head right now. It involves two words : blood, screaming. And no, those two things aren't going to be from me. They're gonna come from you fuckers who get on my nerves. If only murder was legal.

Someone bring me to the security and comfort that only exists in the arms of my baby. Thank you.

So come on,get higher.

2009-10-20T20:28:00.002+08:00

I think Ramizah's damn awesome. She smells so good beside me now and I'm actually just too happy that I'm going to faint anytime soon. I am so happy that she is sleeping with me tonight. Are you jealous? You should because she is just beyond awesome. I'm just so awestruck when I see her everyday.

Okay I'm going to have fun with her now, so......................
Goodnight!

-

2009-10-18T11:53:00.002+08:00

Check that dimple out. (:

Bugis for Swensen's, Iluma for movie, Marina Square for things, Esplanade for sit down. Friday well spent. Shorts is a stupid stupid movie. But no problem, me and b weren't that interested in the movie anyway. Didn't exactly watch it. Yeaps~

Yesterday was tuition in the morning and I had to wait HOURS after that for my family to finally come. My phone died along the way. Brought my charger but hell, I can't possibly charge it at Cik Milah's house right? I spent a total of FIVE hours in her house. Awkward like shit. Bik ros' house after for a small celebration for my aunts' birthdays. Played with frogs, mealworms and slime. Good fun.

I haven't been able to shit right. Then again, you didn't need to know. Whatever ah. Not exactly a great start to my sunday morning. But I'll make do with everything I have. Hopefully nice shows are playing on tv. Or I will just.. sleep la.

2009-10-15T20:45:00.001+08:00

It should be "Stop singing and kiss me."

: D

Baik baik sayang.

2009-10-12T17:42:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was our sixth month and ooooh time flies by so fast! (: Half a year with this beautiful person has made su a happy girl. Introduced her to my love of popeye's and guess who is hooked! : D We even watched '500 days of summer' after that and the show was awesome. We always watch awesome movies you know. (: "PENIS!" Hehehe. Awesome la. I'm talking about my love, not the movie. Though the movie was also awesome. But not as awesome as her. You get it? Hahaha. Okay okay will stop before I go all melt-y. A great way to celebrate our half a year together. Yay. :D

Okay so today didn't exactly start off the way I wanted it to? But it was all good. I'm sorry okay orf? I love you. Went to popeye's again today you know! Hehehe. Bumped into Melanie~ Bus-ed down to town and then we walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk. You get it? Hahaha! I got cute clip and toy from orf. So sweeeeeeet~ Taka, Ion, Far east, ULU STAIRCASE. We are not lazy people and we walk everywhere. Hahaha. Then long train ride home and somebody slept. My butt went numb la. But omg, her just woke up face. CUTE.

Been spending loads of time together. Must savour time! School starting soon. Okay baby, next stop: MEXICO!!! (inside joke)

Hahah, sayang you. <3

Breathless; Wait for me.

2009-10-07T11:38:00.003+08:00

I don't feel right. :/ Something is going on here. It's either a moodswing, or... idk. I feel like going out. How?

Maybe I should find something to do. The computer is draining me. And whoopdeedoo, what am I doing? Ironic.

Restless, you leave me restless.
- Anberlin

2009-10-06T11:37:00.004+08:00

Happy again, and it better stay this way. Any other motherfuckers fuck things up again, and it will be me and my brother going for your ass. No kidding. Respect will be thrown out of and sight out of mind while we're throwing vulgarities at your faces. You guys have fucked things up one too many times.

When my hair grows that long again (which might not take so long), I will dye it a hue of brown again! Bladeedada~

So bb came over yesterday to study and I took the liberty of making sure she had enough food to pull her through! Ayu's friend came over as well to do project, and it was us kids on the dining table chilling out. The brother thinks my gf secretly likes him. -_- FUNNY ISSIT? Hahaha. We got food from the fast food restaurant that starts with M. I asked for extra pickles, they gave me WITHOUT pickles. You know how pissed off I was? Idiot. ):

That is ayu's friend. DAMN FUNNY! Hahahaha! She was trying to avoid the camera. See the crabmeat nuggets and hotdogs and all the chips? And of course baby's favourite drink~ I think I pampered her a little too much with the cups of ice. But it's okay, I like it when she smiles as she looks into the cup. Weakness la okay! Melts melts~

I think our stomachs almost BURST from laughing yesterday. Courtesy of some gorgeous model. HAHA. I feel like laughing again! Hahahahhahaha! Okay I did. I am so evil. Whatev~ Hyukhyukhyuk.

This annoying prick is going off for camp tomorrow and will only be coming back on friday. She cried last night cause she said she will miss me. See la, always disturb me. When you're far away from me then you realise how nice I am right! Take care la you slenger. Please don't be picky with your camp food. And yes you can bring my t-shirt. Kakak love you la okay! Walao, very rare I say this ah. Okay done~

ILY!

2009-10-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

Meow baby! (:

Letters to my love.

2009-10-02T19:17:00.003+08:00

GASP! Hahaha, favourite part of the movie!! I followed all the people gasping away. It was hilarious.

Met bb today to catch "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs." I loved it like WOAH~ Cartoons are just my kinda thing. This one also had a tinge of romance/weirdness/family ties thing going on. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet bodoh. It was even more awesome watching it with baby. Just what I need. (: Pssst, the counter person chose for us couple seats. HAHA. Epic win baby. <3

*closes eyes and puffs up my cheeks
KAN BY KAN KAN KAN? HAHAHA.

So past few days have been, eventful? Maybe there'll be a good outcome to this. I don't know, anything can happen. I don't think anything can shock me now. Whatever, if you know me you probably know how fucked up things can get. If you don't, you won't get it. Hahaha.

Thank you so much baby for being there for me every single time I need you. And meeting me whenever you can. (: I'm always making the jokes around others, but you, bring me happiness. You make me forget everything and just think of how amazing we are. You're always taking care of me. YOU CALLED ME CUTE AGAIN TODAY! YAY! (: Hehehehe. Now why are you taking so long to bathe minah kampung! Hurry talk to me. I miss you already. (:

"Maybe part of loving is learning to let go"

2009-09-30T22:04:00.002+08:00

(Ah no, im not asking for a break up haha)

Baby, I'm worried.

You are the reason why I smile everyday,dyou know that?

I'm not good with words, i cant continue haha :/

(plz read my mind now plz plz plz)

-

2009-09-30T17:40:00.001+08:00

Head: Aching.
Baby: Not online/replying my msg.
Me: Going to take nap.

I will be, right back.

For you, to make you smile.

2009-09-29T22:55:00.001+08:00

CUTE OR WHAT

OMG HEHHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE

Iloveyou, really do!

Poo.

2009-09-28T11:57:00.002+08:00

You're worth the fight.

I feel... not right.

No worries, in 2 hours time, I'll be all good. : D

Pfft.

2009-09-25T20:13:00.002+08:00

I hit my head on my sister's shelf. Not the first time. But it IS the first time I got a freaking cut. My head is now throbbing like a bitch. Sakit bodoh. Sakit sakit sakit! Forget it I don't want to say anything else. It hurts. ):

You make me weak.

2009-09-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

I think you're wonderful and I'm glad you're mine.

You might as well just do it alone.

2009-09-23T23:38:00.003+08:00

Read if you're a ten year old kid who happens to be my sister. If not, don't waste your time.

You know I try so hard to make you happy sometimes, but I'm tired of giving up my own happiness for you. Can't you see that sometimes I make major sacrifices for you? When abang tells you you're being stupid, I listen to your nonsense and play along with it just so you won't feel left out. I play with you sometimes even though I am way past the age of playing some of your games. I know I'm not exactly a good sister. But I try. And sometimes I am having my own problems and you should realise that. I know I'm mean at times and I diss you and shit like that. But I feel bad after that. And I'll make it up to you some way or another. I go out and sometimes I buy you random things because you're always complaining you don't get stuff. I just wish you'd be able to see that I need my own time sometimes. I know you're growing up and you need friends and everything. But when I offer to send you to Ika's house, why dyou refuse? I mean, she's your age group. Plus when me and abang are on the computer you'll start pissing us off on purpose with the excuse that we don't want to play with you. Now that I am want to send you to someone's house where you can play, why are you refusing? Why? I just wish you'd understand. I really do. I mean you're always trying to be all "grown-up" when it comes to certain things. Why can't you be that way when it comes to things like this?

I'm just pissed.

I don't want a bibik because I can't cope with the chores.
I want a bibik so I can have my life back.

If you seek amy.

2009-09-22T11:12:00.003+08:00

Hello hello. (: It's tuesday already? Golly gosh. Haha. So here's for starters as it is only appropriate that I do so.

Selamat Hari Raya. Hope you all forgive me if I have ever said/done anything to hurt your feelings in any way. Whether it is on purpose or without me realising it. Hope you guys had a good one.

Now that is done, let me tell you what's been up for the past few days. Pictures another day when I find the camera cable, which the mother has stashed away to an unknown dimension due to the festive season. Went to a couple of houses. Managed to say "NO" to quite a few houses when they offered me the fooood. I'm not much of a malay food lover anyway so I didn't feel like I was missing out on much. (Y) First day was VOID OF MAKMUR. Can you believe it? What is the world coming to?? I am so glad second day had an abundance of it. Hehe.

I am glad my hair turned out quite okay considering I chopped off a bit off my fringe two days prior to raya. Maybe at the end of this post I'd post up a picture of.. myself that I took with my phone. If I feel like doing so. I mean, it's good to be a little narcissistic once in a while right? We'll see how it goes. Haha.

Oh let me tell you something that happened that broke my heart. (cue baby's sobsob) Haha. We went to my aunt's house and my nyai (grandmother on father's side) was there. When I salam-ed her she didn't give me kisses on the cheek. ): But abang got TWO! And then this conversation happened.

Papa: Mak, abang yang masak rendang daging dia tau.
Nyai: Wahhh, pandai nyer anak nyai!
Papa: Abeh adik masak ayam sambal.
Nyai: Oh eh? *looks another direction

WAH SEH. I know you took care of abang when he was young and nenek and atuk were the ones who took care of me. But don't show favouritism leh! I sad girl you know. ): I promise I will try to win your heart ah. ):

And atuk was.. a little out of it. I mean visitting him felt like my heart was shattered into a million pieces. The house was empty and he didn't recognise any of us except for my father. He kept calling uncle some random name that we do not know. And he cried when he realised that he does not recognise any of us. Leaving him was the hardest thing ever. I kept turning back to wave at him, though he probably does not know WHO the hell I am. I wish there was something I could do. But I'm only a 17 year old kid. And I can't possibly force my grandparents to get back together. Sigh.

Okay pictures! Haha. So abrupt.

Second day! (Grey)
I know the face a bit off one but nicest picture eh! HAHA.

First day! (Green)

Okay can. Byebye!

Can't think straight.

2009-09-17T21:05:00.002+08:00

Everything you say, everytime we kiss I can't think straight. But I'm okay.
- Hey Monday's 6 Months.

I cannot put into words how much love I have for you. So I hope you've been able to feel it.

Okay fasting month's coming to an end people. Not that it's such a big thing. I'm just really looking forward to be able to use "go out to have lunch" as an excuse to go out. I mean now the reasons I've been giving have been... nonsense. But they still work! Hooooray for weird reasons for wanting to go out. : D

I don't know if many of my friends read this blog of mine. Since I didn't exactly get the word around. But I'm hoping for some sort of jalan raya or something!! Wow it will be phenomenal. I mean, after SOOO long of not meeting/talking. It will be interesting. For sure. Who knows? Dyou think it'll happen? The future is not for us to forseeeee~ Maybe my friends forget bout me already!!! Aiyo, sad girl for lyfe.

Wow uoyevoli!

Say it again.

2009-09-15T11:55:00.002+08:00

So I've been a little bit missing in the action. Yknow what I mean? Yeah, if you don't then whatever. I've been pretty much zombie-ish dragging my feet along wherever I'm going. My brain has seized to function and I think it is giving shelter to spiders spinning beautiful crystal cobwebs through the crevices of my pink cushy organ. Mother has been taking advantage of me. No I do not mean she is doing it sexually. (Though my ass gets molested one too many times)

She has been making me sound useless with her constant "You not doing anything, be a little useful around the house" naggings. Just this morning itself, she requested I take down all the curtains in the house, take out the metal monsters from the seams and wash them. I made all the beds including the beds of my two lazy ass siblings. When she told me to clear off my brother's study table, THIS BITCH DREW THE LINE. I told her I am not going to clear off somebody else's shit. He can do it himself. To which at this point, she backed off from her deranged daughter and proceeded to call social services. Okay no, I'm joking.

I've pretty much screwed over my body clock and I almost turned nocturnal! The one question my parents always ask when they see me would be "have you slept?" Which is something I always refuse to answer and they will assume by the size of my eyebags. (Y)

Life is amazing. Eh baby eh? (:

I am going to cut/do my hair on the morning of hari raya. Suggested by the mother. Cool or what? Macam make-over siol. If it turns out bad, I will cry and not go out of the house. Now all that's left to do, is find a DAMN good concealer to cover my WHOLE damn face. So ugly okay. Thanks.

Ouch.

2009-09-12T22:32:00.001+08:00

My eyes have given up. No more crying. They hurt so bad. :/

For my princess,

2009-09-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Happy 5th!

Three years.

2009-09-10T21:07:00.003+08:00

Dear nenek,

It's been exactly three years since you left. I remember the days you were in the hospital. I'd visit you every single day after school and hold your hand till it was time to go home. Though I'm not sure if you were able to hear me, I told you of everything that happened to me in school. Then there was the day you opened your eyes and I ran around telling everyone. You smiled and gripped my hand because that was all you could do. But that was all I needed to know that you were fighting to hold on. I love you for that. Then you fell into your deep sleep again. When you were brought to wakmat's house, I visited you whenever I could. Then things got rough between me and mama&papa. I cried to you. I told you to wake up so that you could make things better. I told you to give me a hug. I held on strong to your hands hoping you'd wake up. But I knew that I was just having too high hopes. And so I told you to rest. When it was time for me to go home that day, I kissed your cheeks. Told you how much I love you. Wiped off my tears that had fallen onto your hands. Said goodnight and goodbye. The next day, you left.

I could never thank you enough for all that you've done for me.
I could never tell you how much I love you.
I'm sorry that as I grew older, I failed to care for you as much as you did for me.
I'm sorry that I didn't tell you every single day how much I love you.

I miss you.
I love you.

Dear Atuk,

It's almost two years since you left. I remember how you always tried to act so calm at how nenek was gone. "Nenek kat mana?" You used to ask us every single time you realised she wasn't around. At first, we thought it would be better if we lied to you and told you that she was out to the market like what she usually does. After a while, you knew we were lying. You knew she wasn't around. You became angry at us. You didn't want to eat. And so we knew, you were as devastated as us. "Nenek kat mana?" and we would tell you that she has passed on. "Oh, bagus la gitu" you would reply. But deep down, you were crying. You refused to eat each time you missed her. You even tried to commit suicide a couple of times. A year passed since nenek left, and me and my family were about to leave for kl. You called and asked to speak to all of us. You told us to take care. When me and my family were walking around klcc, we got a call from pak itam. You left. We rushed back to Singapore. I cried throughout the whole journey.

I could never thank you enough for all that you've done for me.
I could never tell you how much I love you.
I'm sorry that as I grew older, I failed to care for you as much as you did for me.
I'm sorry that I didn't tell you every single day how much I love you.

I miss you.
I love you.

"You're my best friend right atuk!"
"Auk~"

"Nenek you friend atuk anot?"
"Apa bebual nak?"

I still think about the two of you every single day.

Waiting on the world to change.

2009-09-09T17:19:00.004+08:00

So the week started off with part dinner. What was the highlight of that day that made me so pissed off? Let's start the story-telling shall we.

So I was approached by this lady (who looked so much like Ms. Jean) and she asked for 5-10 minutes of my time. I thought, yknow it'll be okay since it's going to take a short time. Well mofo, I would appreciate you tell me that it would take longer and stop lying to people. I think the fact that you guys lie so much as a first approach makes surveyors such a turn off. Be straightforward with what you're doing and don't beat about the bush. Because of you I was MAJOR late to meet my part. Like 50 minutes late? When in actual fact, I was bloody hell on time. And no, do not even EXPECT to get a call back from me okay? I know I'm fat but I do NOT want to drink your stupid shakes to lose weight. Idiot. ):

But meeting the part and laughing at everything and nothing was a good stress reliever from the previous episode. Sat next to Diy and omgoodness the greatest choice I've made. (haha, right!) Her handphone's wallpaper wins shocker of the month. Haha. Ate till we felt bloated like the hotdog that was in the soup for too long. Burnt my tongue and till now it still feels funny. Haha.

Met baby in the morning yesterday and we had a go at science centre. So random right. Haha, but it was goood. (: We played with the checkers set and I won. Hehe. Sorry sweetie, next time I let you win okay! Then we totally lepak at this random bench. I like how she's so ticklish. Damn fun! For me ah, HAHAHA. She suggested I crash dikir, so I did.

Fetched Ayu and brought her along. Then after I brought her to Science centre and since the entrance fee was not that bad (and she wasn't so keen on playing only the things outside) we went in. I'll let the pictures do the talking la okay. Sorry I look horrible. When do I not anyway?

"Hi my name is Ayu and I am so annoying at times."

"Hi my name is Su and I was missing my lover in my damn small house."

You have no idea how gross it was to see so many hissing cockroaches in one glass encasement.

Chick!

Oh the horror.

CMI body builder face.

I think my sister found her home. Since she's a booger.

On the way back already.

Better be thankful you dodo.

Had a stupid merengek ngada-ngada night. But I soon got over it. Baby texted me a distressed msg at 1 something in the morning and I was panicking. Accompanied her by texting till 4+ and I stupidly fell asleep. ): Sorry eh orf. ):

Been fighting this major headache since I don't know when. Hopefully it will go away soon. I hope me and orf won't fall sick. Fifth coming tau tau tau. Must be healthy and as fit as a fiddle! Hehe.

The sky is falling down.

2009-09-08T22:22:00.001+08:00

I don't know what's up with what I'm feeling right now. But it's not something I'm fond of. I'm going to burst out in tears any second. I better get myself to my room. Will be back when I feel like I should.

Inevitable.

2009-09-03T20:16:00.004+08:00

My mother has been questioning my feminism. "How come you don't wear pretty clothes anymore?" "How come you're not wearing make up anymore?" And honestly, I don't know how to answer. How do I put it across to her that everything just makes me feel even uglier? I'm fine with dawning on my jeans and some top I grab off the shelf. Because I know that it gives me a right to look average. Do you get it? I mean why should I dress up when I am only going to worry about how I look. But then again, I don't know.

Am I letting myself go too much? Maybe I'm getting too complacent.
Whatever.

As long as bb still loves me, my life's all set on overdrive. WHOO~

I think I've pretty much put across a point to my parents that I am actually 17 already. I'm starting to feel a little difference with the way they react to what I say/do. This is good progress. Shall give both of them a hug later.

I'm feeling a little crankiness kicking in. I shall kick it out. I am a complete mess. Mother says my face looks like the moon. Thanks mummy. Thank you!

Meow meow. BYEBYE! : D

I don't wanna lose you.

2009-09-02T20:14:00.002+08:00

Why do some people have all the luck in the world? Why must I be void of all the skinniness. Why the hell did I have to start looking at all these people? Why why why why why why why? Damn annoying yet motivating at the same time. You know what people, I'm gonna do it. I don't care how, but I want to be like the people in the pictures above. Bring on all you got world, I am going to do it.

Aiya bullshit, actions speak louder than words okay su?

Where's the damn bag of chips? Fatty wants to eat!

This. Is. Depressing!!!!!

Hopelessly in love

2009-09-01T22:28:00.001+08:00

Miss you :(

Real good time.

2009-08-31T20:28:00.005+08:00

Visited my previous beloved alma mater to celebrate teacher's day and meet-up with friends that will always be in my heart. The performances were.. hilarious. That is all I can remember out of it. Cause I found myself laughing my ass off most of the time. Together with the pals. Haha! There was this point of time where Ibu decided to abuse me and sat on my lap. Though I secretly missed her doing things like that. Girls' school rocks my ass and yours too. Me and aiai met cikgu and we talk talk talk super long. Took picture with her and said "will tag you a facebook!" and she got so excited. HAHA. Spent goood quality time with the lovely one after. I kept making her jump+scream by doing something. Bet she has a phobia of me now. Hahaha! Sent her off to hockey and walked by myself around jp for quite a long time. Busted some money but well spent I must say. Home-d and had the worst mothafucken cramps, I curled in a ball at the corner of the bed and slept for a bit. Haha. Now let's see pictures shall we? (:

Best cikgu <3

I knew that the camera was taking a picture so I gave this face to show you that sometimes communicating with Ibu is just like talking to a wall. HAHAHHA.

Nice shoes baybeh.

These shots were taken with nita happily seated on my cushions I call "lap".

Day well spent.

I love you guys.

I love you so damn bloody much. Can't even explain this. <3

I do.

2009-08-29T16:47:00.003+08:00

Good afternoon pretty people. (: Somebody told me that she would be back at 430 but it's 440 now and she's still away. Poor thing must be so tired. I am very excited for tomorrow! Feels like the old days. Wonder who is going to be there. Reunion kepe. Whee~

I think that at the rate I'm going, I'll end up looking like a rotten piece of bread. I'm so fat and ugly. Boo. ):

By the way, my phone has officially ditched me. I can't press all the important buttons that I need to. Which means, that I want to get a new phone. It's not that I'm being selfish and only thinking about myself. But then, my phone is spoilt already. ): Okay in the meantime, I'll use sister's phone. Why is it that whenever Raya is on the way, problems will always arise.

(pause pause, she wake up already (: )

My dad got into an accident yesterday but nothing serious, just that the car is a little wrecked. My phone is a goner. The washing machine just started a new hobby of spewing out all it's liquids onto the kitchen floor. My house seems to always be in a mess. But it's okay! We're coping. (:

I think I might need to get a jubah for Raya. Later I wear baju kebaya/kurung CONFIRM will koyak rabak. Sad.

Let's make this worth the fight.

2009-08-28T22:49:00.003+08:00

Check out ugly duckling yoz. Seriously, someone put a paper bag on my head and then draw a smiley face on it. I bet it'll look much better. Have been cooping myself up at home a lot because I have been going to sleep at random hours and waking up at random hours too. Big mistake because it totally made my body rebel against me. So I shall be good girl today and sleep early hor? Hor. (:

Didn't sleep after sahur today because I was afraid that if I slept, I wouldn't wake up in time. And I know this very well that when I fall asleep, waking up just takes a LOOOONG time. Wouldn't forgive myself if I were to miss seeing the idiot. Even though we managed to meet on Wednesday and walked around the whole of citylink/suntec. Bought us DAMN cute orange monkey bottles. Power la siol~ Today, sat in school, talked a lot a lot a lot a lot and the person only managed to finish 1 and a half questions with me. I declare myself a distraction. I just cannot sit there and keep quiet when she's right in front of me. There's so many things I want to tell her. Cause I think she needs to know everything. You understand anot?! Like even when I think I got my period, I MUST TELL. If you don't understand, your problem.

Sorry asswipe I am always distracting you. Next time you can scotchtape my mouth ah. Then I will keep quiet and entertain myself silently. ):

Pssst, I tell you a secret, I really liked the train ride just now. (:

WHOO~

Why do I feel like I'm hungover?

"Imma a misunderstood genius."

2009-08-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

I feeeel like a genius tonight. ::::)

A puny brain like mine can overpower the huge empty brain of yours.

Wooyeah :) I am einstein, einstein, einstein, einstein, einstein.

With much Love,

Asswipe.

Hmm?

2009-08-25T15:45:00.003+08:00

QWERTYUIOPLKJHGFDSAZXCVBNMMNBVCXZASDFGHJKLPOIUYTREWQ.
QWERTYUIOPLKJHGFDSAZXCVBNMMNBVCXZASDFGHJKLPOIUYTREWQ.
QWERTYUIOPLKJHGFDSAZXCVBNMMNBVCXZASDFGHJKLPOIUYTREWQ.

:)

2009-08-23T23:19:00.001+08:00

Gooodnight, prettyhead <3

Ladeedadada.

2009-08-22T14:42:00.006+08:00

This was from FML, and somehow I feel that if the person was to just see it from a different perspective, he/she could have made the story into MLIA or MLIG. I mean, getting a free apple pie has to make you happier in some way right?

I think if I were to see this happen first hand, I'd pee in my pants from laughing so hard.

Best MLIA story I've read so far. Hands down. Dyou know why? *eyebrow up down up down. Hahahaha. : D

Okay so I stayed awake all the way last night till it was time to sahur. And it consisted of shuffling between Virtual Families and Virtual Villagers 2 on my itouch. When I realised that I was actually forcing my eyes open just so that I could make sure Burnetto and Karma were working on their career did it hit me "Shit I am getting addicted to this." Nevertheless it got me through the night and I helped the mother out with cooking and jumped on every single other person to wake up and eat. Finally went to sleep at 6 in the morning and woke up at a whopping 130 pm or 1330 hours if I were to speak NC. Huahuahua. And if orf didn't text me, I think I would still be snoozing my whole day away.

I told the mother I'd make the beds but here I am lying on the lower bunk amidst all the scattered bolsters and pillows. Some of which smell like.. you don't want to know. Of course orf should know. And if you're thinking I'm talking about my own set of cushioned delights, you're so wrong. I sleep on the top bunk. Which reminds me of a primary school joke!

Ada adik-beradik ni. Satu Dracula satu Acula. Diorang tido kat katil double-decker ah. Dracula slalu tido atas. Satu malam ni, Dracula terkencing! Abeh siapa kene? (teeheehee)

KENTAL.

Okay la I want to go make the beds. Tata~

Oh and selamat berpuasa to everyone out there yang sewaktu dengannya la eh.

Annoying shit.

2009-08-21T12:51:00.003+08:00

I am at home. Why?

Because I am not outside. Why?

Because I can't go out. Why?

Cause if I don't wanna follow the parents, I must jolly well stay home.

I don't understand why you have to be so sensitive about everything.

Of course I know that family must always be top priority.

But that doesn't mean I have to give up going out with people EVERY single time you want me to go out with you guys.

You guys see me EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Tak jelak ke?

I won't be 17 forever.

When I am 18, you are not going to be the boss of me anymore.

I sound childish, but if you're gonna treat me like a child, then this is what you get.

Boo you.

Yessah~

2009-08-20T19:17:00.003+08:00

I AM OFFICIALLY ALL BETTER NOW! : D

And yes, it's cause somebody came online, made fun of me being stinky, and called me an asshole.

I don't know about you guys, but this is what I call love. <3

YEAH BAYBEH~

Shake the glitter off your clothes now.

2009-08-20T15:16:00.001+08:00

I think last night was just another crazy night.
I'm all good now.

Though I miss you, sfm.

Fuck you.

2009-08-20T02:38:00.003+08:00

I think I can't contain it any longer.

Fuck every single one of you

-that has ever made me feel so small.

-that ever left me crying.

-that took me for granted.

-that made me always think twice about loving someone.

-that crushed me to bits.

-that used me only to your advantage.

-that thought of me as someone you can fuck over anytime you want.

-that once made me lose hope in myself.

-that ruined my life.

-that made me so fucking insecure and fragile.

-that made me feel like I'm not worthy for anyone.

-that made me feel fucking stupid.

-that always made me feel second best.

Fuck all of you.

I fucking hate all of you.

I hate the fact that even though she makes me so happy, my past haunts me.

Fuck fragility.

I need to be stronger and I need to remind myself that yes, she loves me.

I love you by.

We're gonna make it through everything, yes? Yes.

I love you.

Aaaaaaayuuuu sleeping~

2009-08-19T19:11:00.002+08:00

I love his beatboxing!!

I miss her damn a lot. (sounds like I'm attached to her or something)

Met bf yesterday on short notice but it made my day : D

I became a rebel and told the mother that I do not care what she says and I want to go out.

And when I went down the lift, the father was standing outside and he was shocked.

He then asked "Where are you going?"

I said "I'm going to meet liy at jp. Ayu is upstairs. Bye!"

And I pushed him into the lift and waved.

Met her for lunch and then off to marina's freezing ass starbucks so that bf could finish her assignments.

Along the way, we panicked, laughed, hyperventilated, looked out for you know who.

And we even realised how similar we are. *nudges bf

Today was a gooooood day (:

Woke up, fetched the sister, sent the sister off to cousin's house.

Spent quality time with the hotstuff.

And oh oh oh dyou know della has TWO dimples!

Super deep somemore, somebody jeluzzzz~

And the brother just bought me mee kuah from downstairs!

He is so nice sometimes. (:

And the mother bought seaweed chicken for me!

Okay why is everybody being so nice to me?!

Am I secretly suffering from a fatal sickness you guys are not telling me about?

Oh wait, no la.

You guys nice to me cause I the princess right?

YAYYYYY! : D

Eh by, I think you left something at my house..

Me. ):

Cause time won't stop for me.

2009-08-17T21:48:00.003+08:00

My secret weapon NYEHEHEHE.
The victim of my secret weapon MUAHAHAHA.
Hoola hoop hoop hoop.
Overdue pictures of the day when me and the idiot went to toysrus. (:

My sweet cousin della. : DI think we're gonna be best cuzzies.Of course I still love 2nd princess as much. (:
Oh oh, number 1 in my heart still my one and only love. <3